December 2011
26 posts
Voices in The Mail: Stepmom Edition
“Hiya hun, movie tip of the day: I think you’ll like The Artist because it’s weird, it’s black and white and it’s silent. Let me know! Bye!”
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“It’s more a feeling of humiliation. It would be more a feeling of...”
– David Sedaris to Ira Glass on living in Paris
I was just eating one of my roommate’s Divine Delights cake candies and had an idea for a scene in a movie in which a lonely man is sharing cake with his pet rat as he says, “One small piece for Man, one giant piece for Mankind.” I guess the rat’s name would have to be Man, and maybe the guy just thought it made sense that his self-given nickname be an extended version of...
WatchOkay, you listen to me RIGHT NOW. There is a Terrible, TERRIBLE game called QUELF that my family got for Christmas that forces all players to abide by absurd rules and act out ridiculous scenarios and it’s very seriously the worst possible game to have to play BUT it led to my aunt “tap dancing” to a personal high school story about when she once told a boy she had...
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Lisa Pollak: Is there anyone you like at the dance?
Christopher Potter: There is.
Lisa: Does she know?
Chris: Yes, she does. We’re kind of dating at the time.
Lisa: So, how’s that going?
Chris: Good, it just started like, 20 minutes into this. So, yeah.
Lisa: You asked a girl to go out during this dance?
Chris: No, um, a girl came to me and asked me out.
Lisa: Ok, let’s...
The Tragedy of Growing Up, Consolidated
Child: Teacher, LOOK!
Me: The plastic bag in the tree? I know. Bummer.
Child: No! There’s snow on the mountains! It’s BEAUTIFUL!
Shazam Missed Connections
Lobby Letdown - f4s - 26
It was a Friday night. I was the only one walking out of the last showing of Martha Marcy May Marlene. You were playing quietly in the lobby. You were just my type; delicate, yet upbeat. With a voice just sweet enough not to be off-putting, and barely fit for song. It was silent, if not for you and the laughter of three girls in the courtyard, just outside the glass...
Phone Call From My Dad
(Shaky, old man voice) “Is this my daughter? I’ve had a little time travel accident. I meant to wind up back in 2011 and blew right past it. I’m very old now. I’ll meet you in 2025; I’ll be the one with the cane. (Breaks into hysterical laughter) Oh boy, this is what I get for taking a nap.”
hi guys, i'm going to be putting some pieces of a... →
Here’s my use of the The Choire Sicha Method
A Thing To Do This Coming Saturday: “Transmissions,” a Day-Long Conference on Literature and the First Thirty Years of HIV. She read the info section and scrolled the comments and replied “Not Attending” to the invite. She hadn’t checked her calendar yet, but she vaguely remembered speaking with someone about something that was...
I do not believe that purity exists anywhere, but that sure hasn’t stopped me from searching for it everywhere.
